I Want To Die
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Mom caught me crying after I got another email from Chelsie and came in screaming and demanded to know why i was so upset. She told me to either tell her or to let her read the email. I couldnt say it...so i pulled up my email and ran into my room sobbing...then i heard mom slam the keyboard back as she finished the last sentence. Chelsie told me she had told her mother about "My little secret" and that I was a Nasty bisexual little freak. Mom then dragged me out of my room and slammed a chair down, made me sit, then demanded in her half-yelling voice why i thought i was bisexual and if i found myself attracted to woman and if i had ever kissed a girl. I couldnt lie. I told her i thought that i was. I told her i was attracted to woman. And I told her that I had kissed Kristen. She told me that mine and Kristen's relationship was over and we were no longer allowed to contact one another or spend the ngiht at one anothers house. The she told me i was full of shit and it was just my hormones and that there was no way possible that i was bisexual. She told me NOT to explore the gay side of life and screw myself up. Then she gave me this whole freaking lecture about how im a teenager and I dont know what I feel. Thats the biggest load of bullshit I've ever heard in my life.

Then I told mom i didnt feel any better and apatheticaly went back into myoom to talk to my Da, who had just called. Then Nicki called and apologized over and over for Chelsie's betrayel. Nicki had called the other day to talk to me but I wasnt there and she asked DAchelle if there was ever a secret about me relayed to her or chelsie and confidence and if there is she would know about it. Well, dAchelle misunderstood and told Nicki there was no secret so Nicki thought maybe that Chelsie had been spreading lies to hurt me. They werent lies though. And Mmom reatced the way that uncle arthur said she would react. She didnt believe me. She basically toldme that theres no possible way i can understand my feelings just because ima hormonally wacked out teenager.

Someone please PLEASE kill me...Im begging you. I want to die. I want to die!!!